vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
