If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
