hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
