she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
