He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
These tits shall not be calmed
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
