I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
