omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
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