Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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