my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
