I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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