I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
