it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
