You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
