So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
