I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
