hotel room ftw
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
