I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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