I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
