garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
