I am puke
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
