just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
