Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
whose parrot is this?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
