somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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