I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
