She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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