I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
