My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I forget how to act sober
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
