Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
