i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
