Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
