I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
