WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
