theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I need to sanitize my soul.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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