your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
