i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
