There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
