shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you inspire me to be a worse person
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
