No, you can still breathe under the balls.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
