He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We don't watch enough power rangers
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize