Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
