i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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