I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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