someone threw a dead crab at me
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
