I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
