i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
