I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
this is an emotional support booty call
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
