It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
