I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
