no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
