the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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