I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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