just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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