found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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