i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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