I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
