It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My ATM looks so different sober.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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