dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
