Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
