I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
