I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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