hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
