she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
