I want to make a zoo with you.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
