I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
