One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
