Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
