I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
