The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
