He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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