U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize