I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
