you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
