eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
