Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
