This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
