Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize